Just Keep Going
My dream as a 5-year-old was to move to NYC, dance on Broadway, and live as a nun. The nun part came after I was told by teachers and my parents that a dancer can’t afford to live in NYC. I was in Catholic school and loved the free housing deal nuns got, and was drawn to the idea of helping others within the structure of community.
That was my plan for about a year, until I saw religion can be a hiding place for bad behavior. So lawyer and dancer become my new plan by the first grade. I did well with the school things, and these avenues were given to me as options. It’s incredible what we believe we should be, based on what grownups tell us when we are little.
I had a conversation with my daughter Daisy, who’s 5 now, about how funny it is that grownups love to ask little kids what they want to be when they grow up, and make suggestions based on their own ideas of what kids should be. Daisy told me she will be doing the same things she is doing now, and the whole question is silly. My take away was to Be Here Now. No deferred life plans.
I wanted to right some of the wrongs I was seeing around me, a lot of them in my school, with adults who probably shouldn’t have been around kids in one way or the other. I’m still exercising my passion here. So I joined up with the Business Professionals of America, a national group for high school kids to do stuff in the field of general business. We earned buttons and badges and took little trips to enter competitions.
I enjoyed all of it except for the dress code. I routinely got points off for wearing my mom’s vintage 70s dresses instead of business attire. I was just trying to graduate early so I could move to NYC as soon as possible, and took summer high school classes the year before I entered, to get some of credits out of the way. I liked spending time in a dark air-conditioned room for these tests, and cultivating a freakish skill of typing super-fast. We had one of the old beige Apple computers at home and I typed up the Encyclopedia Britannica like I was already a gold star secretary. I won an award called “The Typing Award” in my first year of high school.
My Mom likes to say I’ve written many books because I can type so fast. It’s not altogether wrong. I’m happy to do it, although there is a bit more grit, heartache, and fleeting excitement that goes into the book process, at least for me so far, than simply typing.
By the time I was kind of making the dance thing work, a pesky other thing called yoga entered and radically changed my life. I experienced this from a nice Jack-Tripper-looking instructor who was brought into my dance school. My first thought was, this is amazing. I’m in my own spaceship, uncovering all of the secrets to the universe. If I can only tune in, I will discover more. My second thought was, why doesn’t everybody do this?
I got stuck on that second question like a whack on the back of my head every day. It keeps me typing so fast, now with a passion for helping anyone feel better, using this practice of yoga. There have been and will forever be injustices with the power and dogma in yoga and many other communities, to go after and work to correct. My interests in business, writing, and communications keep on becoming more and more useful, for reaching out to people clearly and effectively along this way to something better.
All my life experiences haven’t taken me on a different path. They have taken me to the path I am on and have always been on, preparing me with everything I need. I get to dance with people when I lead and talk about yoga. For me, this is what I wanted as a dancer. I wanted the stage to go away. I wanted anyone who wanted to be there to be there. I wanted to dance together, not perform for, the people.
As things unfolded for me or I propelled them forward - I can never be sure which is more true - I’ve been able to use all of my interests together, and continually feel like I’m only scratching a surface. This craving to do more, connect more, dance more with the people is always here, same as it ever was. I feel happy and grateful. And the hit on the head still pulls me every day to go and use my energy, to share helpful practices with people.
I know now it’s not only ambition for success and to hear those invaluable words from those you respect: “I’m so proud of you. You do great things for people.” The voice I’m hearing is the one I already have, and it says something more. Keep going. Keep showing up. Keep practicing. Keep listening. Keep collaborating. Look around and help however you can.
I trust this concept because I’ve seen it repeated and practiced by folks who are actually doing pretty great things. Most people you admire are doing this. We can do it too. Instead of waiting for someone to discover you, pick you, say that you matter, you must choose yourself. Pull up yourself, and know that you matter. Waiting for approval is where things can get sad and frustrating. Don’t wait, just keep going.
We must do our practice so we remember this inner power, so we remember our unique and special gifts. From this foundation we need to do our best to be healthy and strong, so we can use our energy for good. We get to right the wrongs we see, to create change, and to express our gifts in the world for helping others. This feeling in you isn’t meant to be satisfied, or quieted. It’s meant to keep going. It’s up to us what we do with it. When we feel strong, it’s up to us to encourage those who feel weak. It’s up to us to remind ourselves and each other, however we are able. Just keep going.